If you live in a couple, if you live in a family, if you live with another person or several persons, you may ask them to be careful. You may ask them to be aware of the seeds you have in your store consciousness. “Darling, I know that I have these negative seeds in me. And every time these seeds manifest, I make myself suffer and I make you suffer, also. So, please, if you love me, if you care for me, be careful not to water these seeds in me.” Among lovers, there should be such an agreement. That is the practice. “Darling, if you really love me, water the positive seeds in me, because I do have the seeds of understanding, of compassion, of forgiveness, of joy in me. Even if they are still small, if you know how to touch them in me every day, I become a much happier person and when I am happy, you don’t have to suffer as much.”

If you really understand what your store consciousness is, you understand yourself. If you understand the person you love with her weaknesses and her strengths, you would know what we call the practice of selective watering of seeds. Refrain from watering the negative seeds in him. Try your best to identify and to water the positive seeds in him every day, and you will see the situation will improve in just one week. The degree of happiness will increase very quickly, especially when you are supported by brothers and sisters within the practice to show you the way.

– From a Dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hahn

… a good organic gardener is not afraid of garbage, because she knows perfectly how to transform the garbage back into flowers. Both flowers and garbage are made of organic matter. Mental formations are also organic. This is very interesting: all our mental formations are of an organic nature. That is why we can transform. Love can be transformed into hate. But if you have hate, don’t be afraid. Learn, learn how to transform your hate back into flowers. Many couples after two, three years living together, see that their love has transformed into hate. In the beginning, “How can I survive without her?” But now, “How can I survive with her?”

So love has transformed into hate. But if we know the law of transformation, we know also that it is possible for us to transform garbage back into flowers. The hate, anger, if we know how, we can transform them. So may I urge you not to be afraid of your sorrow, your pain, your afflictions. Don’t be eager to throw them away, because it is exactly with these materials that you can fabricate the flower of understanding and love in you. That is the principle of non-duality that is so important in the Buddhist tradition. An organic gardener is not afraid of the heap of garbage. She is confident. She does not want to throw the garbage away because she knows that she is capable of transforming the garbage back into flowers, into lettuce, cucumbers. So smile to them, say “I know you are there, I am going to take good care of you and make you into flowers.” Don’t throw anything away.

– From a Dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hahn